Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Letter #16: Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez
500 S Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-6369
USA 

Dearest Selena Gomez:

I have a question for you: If someone says that they are singing in the key of C, what on earth does that even mean? I ask because you are a singer and thus get the whole thing about “keys”.

While I have you, I’ll give you a protip for dealing with people who insult you. If someone says to you “Your mamma”, all you have to do is say, “My mamma is very nice and I love her.” It’s sort of like fighting fire with fire.

I have one last thing to request, in humility. Many people refer to you as talented. Therefore, I was wondering if you could send me a poster of a monkey wearing a graduation cap. This has parallels to your situation because how can a monkey graduate? And how can someone so young and beautiful as you have so much talent?

I humbly await your reply because I am sick or even in the hospital and my last wish is for you to reply.

3 comments:

riggity said...

glad you're back. you might be the only person using blogger in 2014.

Crapples said...

Yeah - It was the only blogging site in existence when I started, I think. I don't think anyone reads this thing anymore (I'm surprised you found it - you must have it bookmarked from the google reader days). But I just like sending the letters every once in a while. No one ever writes back though, which always surprises me - especially in cases like Mitt Romney.

riggity said...

I have it in my RSS feed, including comments. Along with about 500 other blogs that don't post anything anymore, and 10 that do.