Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Letter #16: Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez
500 S Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-6369

Dearest Selena Gomez:

I have a question for you: If someone says that they are singing in the key of C, what on earth does that even mean? I ask because you are a singer and thus get the whole thing about “keys”.

While I have you, I’ll give you a protip for dealing with people who insult you. If someone says to you “Your mamma”, all you have to do is say, “My mamma is very nice and I love her.” It’s sort of like fighting fire with fire.

I have one last thing to request, in humility. Many people refer to you as talented. Therefore, I was wondering if you could send me a poster of a monkey wearing a graduation cap. This has parallels to your situation because how can a monkey graduate? And how can someone so young and beautiful as you have so much talent?

I humbly await your reply because I am sick or even in the hospital and my last wish is for you to reply.


riggity said...

glad you're back. you might be the only person using blogger in 2014.

Crapples said...

Yeah - It was the only blogging site in existence when I started, I think. I don't think anyone reads this thing anymore (I'm surprised you found it - you must have it bookmarked from the google reader days). But I just like sending the letters every once in a while. No one ever writes back though, which always surprises me - especially in cases like Mitt Romney.

riggity said...

I have it in my RSS feed, including comments. Along with about 500 other blogs that don't post anything anymore, and 10 that do.