Monday, November 19, 2012

Letter #15: Mitt Romney

Romney for President, Inc.
Post Office Box 149756
Boston, MA 02114-9756

Dear Mitt Romney 2012: I suspect that you may not know me. If this is the case then I don't blame you at all because you are a big super star who goes to other countries and probably knows Madonna. There are two things that I know about you: (1) You are a big super star who may or may not know Madonna, and (2) that I really only know one thing about you. These two indisputable facts of nature lead me to the question that is on my mind which is, can I have a gigantic poster of you to hang on my wall? If you were holding a gun or kissing a lady friend of yours that would be perfect, but if you're just standing in front of your bathroom door that would be fine too (in the bathroom door scenario, ideally, there would be a lady friend of yours behind you playing the tambourine or something, but I’m open minded on this important issue).

I think bribery is illegal so I'll just state this as a hard cold fact: I will vote for you in 2016 if you will send me a poster. Of course it’s possible that I would vote for you anyway, so that's why it's not illegal bribery. But if you send me a poster then you won’t even have to wonder!

[My name]
[My address]

1 comment:

shannon taylor said...

I am so glad crapples is back!